By Alfredo & Grace Roces

A Filipino dinner will consist of soup, two or three courses, and dessert. Only water is served to drink during meals, although these days soft drinks are sometimes served. Wealthy, Westernized, sophisticated Filipinos may serve wine. Rice is the staple food in place of bread or potatoes. Filipinos eat with spoon and fork, using the fold to push the food into the spoon. At a more grandiose feast, food may also be served buffet style, in which case a great variety is spread on a table and guests serve themselves with minimal formality.

If it is a family gathering such as a birthday party or a wedding anniversary, groups will break up according to generation or age, with the young children, the teenagers and unmarried, the married, and the grandparents tending to form separate clusters. Children are expected to stay in the background; they usually play together outside or in an inner room.

If the dinner guests include many non-relatives, there will still be family groupings, but the guests who are not part of the family enjoy special places, and quite often there is a polarizing of the sexes with women getting together and the men conversing in a group before the feast.

Filipinos enjoy dancing and many private parties culminate with disco dancing. Music - these days from a loud stereo system - is also part of the festive mood. On these occasions the men are offered gin, scotch or beer. Few women will drink alcohol, but for the men it is an exercise in machismo. However, while there is some pressure to be convivial and indulge, there is also the presence of the wives and some teasing to assure moderation. In rustic settings, the drinking may be a bit heavier, the men seem more inclined to prove masculinity, and the alcoholic beverages may be the local toddy (tuba) or its more potent, distilled form, called lambanug.

There is always the pressure of pakikisama, of being one of the boys, to get everyone to drink, and the trick, of course, is to be able to fend off subsequent offers when you feel you have reached your limit. And in spite of the teasing and the gentle jabs at amor-propio, most Filipinos smile and drink moderately.
*** Reprinted from Culture Shock! Philippines, A Guide to Customs and Etiquette. Posted at emanila*pilipino, September 10, 2001

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